Jacqueline Howells

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Oh the places you'll go!

Oh the beginning of graduate school. How naive I was! But I'm so proud of how far I have come. I entered feeling so excited to meet many of my intellectual heroes, and I learned a lot of them were in fact not truly what I expected. In fact, the greatest joy of all has been proving to myself over and over that the biggest names and powers in ivy league schools, carry what I feel is an embarrassingly unearned prestige (I am literally full of shame when folks are so impressed the moment I tell them where I go to graduate school bc of the disparity between prestige and true merit). Understanding how to discern paper prestige from real honest merit based prestige has opened my eyes to how much better of a scientist I can be if I focus on my curiousity and believe in myself. No matter how many people in my life who hold titles like "full tenured professor, director of X, endorsed by XYZ, editor of X prestigious magazine" have told me all the ways I don't deserve to pursue biomedical research. I have learned to laugh for they are so out of touch, that I never needed their approval in the first place. Despite how I have been treated and how I see countless other students being treated, I still believe in using the tools we have in the best way possible. I am an example of someone who had nearly every door slammed in my face, but somehow, through my own curiousity and responsibility to the public who has paid for my way through school and provided me the opportunity to earn a PhD, I have managed to kick down each and every one of those doors to learn and teach something new to someone. I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to see past the curtain and learn how to recognize scientists who want to help, and opportunists to avoid at all costs, but most importantly that real talent, if fostered never ever cedes. Still here, and still excited.