Reading Biography
Recently, I was interviewed by a high school student for an assignment to write a “reading biography” of an adult. The questions were broken up into three sections: Before you knew how to read, learning how to read/childhood reading patterns, and finally what place reading holds in your adult life. I really enjoyed answering these questions. The past two years have been a process of extreme growth for me, and like most growth, there is inherently loss. I am grateful for being asked to help in this assignment, as it helped me really understand what reading is to me and how it has influenced my life. Below you will find the interview questions and my answers. Would love to see other people’s feelings on these questions!
Early childhood memories: Prior to learning how to read
What place did books and reading have in your life as a very young child?
Everything. I remember having a few books of my own and my mother reading them to me.
Did you see your parents or family members read?
Yes I saw my mom reading all the time.
Do you remember what you first read?
I remember reading the monster at the end of this book, which is a story about Grover from sesame street who is terrified of a monster, and at the end he finds out the monster was him and he didn’t have anything to really fear.
Did you have any of your own books? What was your favorite?
I know that I owned goldilocks and the three bears and that was one of my favorites.
Did you pretend to “read” books to yourself or others?
Yes apparently so, my mom told me that when she would read me stories I would pretend to read, although she seems to think I was actually reading, which may or may not have been the case. I don’t remember a time in my life when I couldn't read.
Did anyone take you to the library or the bookstore?
Yes. My mom took me to the library whenever I could go. It was the greatest experience. West Portal mostly, and the public library in the Richmond district as well as San Francisco’s main library at Civic Center which is one of my most beloved places in the whole world.
Childhood memories: Learning how to read
Childhood Memories of Learning to Read
When you first learned how to read what was that like for you?
I really don’t remember a time in my life when I couldn’t read, but reading has always been and will always be a gorgeous experience for me.
When, where and how did you learn?
I honestly think I learned from making my mom read me books as a very young child and just picking up on the symbols. I never felt like I “learned” it in the traditional sense. Rather, after seeing similar patterns over and over, it became intuitive, like knowing yellow is yellow without having to practice seeing yellow.
Did someone teach you or did you teach yourself?
I don’t think it’s possible to teach yourself how to read because the author, a parent reading the words to you, is necessary for linking the letter symbols to actual phenomena or objects. Imagine learning how to read if no other human existed on the planet? You would not have materials to learn context from. It’s a bit like John Searle’s Chinese room thought experiment:
Searle's thought experiment begins with this hypothetical premise: suppose that artificial intelligence research has succeeded in constructing a computer that behaves as if it understands Chinese. It takes Chinese characters as input and, by following the instructions of a computer program, produces other Chinese characters, which it presents as output. Suppose, says Searle, that this computer performs its task so convincingly that it comfortably passes the Turing test: it convinces a human Chinese speaker that the program is itself a live Chinese speaker. To all of the questions that the person asks, it makes appropriate responses, such that any Chinese speaker would be convinced that they are talking to another Chinese-speaking human being.
The question Searle wants to answer is this: does the machine literally "understand" Chinese? Or is it merely simulating the ability to understand Chinese?
Source: wikipedia (click link to get to the page describing this thought experiment and where the quote from above comes from.
Do you remember what you first read?
No, I think it was likely The Monster at the End of this Book or The Goldilocks book.
How did this feel for you to be able to read?
I cannot imagine not being able to, so I assume I feel very happy.
Did you have your own books?
Yes, at least the two I mentioned.
Did you get your own library card?
Yes, and I used it often. I also find libraries to be wonderful places to get books that have notations in them. There’s something comforting about reading a strangers notes in a book, or what they underlined as it spoke to them in some way. It feels like traveling through space and time and connecting with the author, this person, and yourself.
Did you get to choose your own books?
Yes always.
School Memories (reading in elementary school)
Did you learn how to read in elementary school or did you already know how to read?
Yes I think so, I don’t remember not being able to.
Was reading a pleasure or a chore
I dislike this binary of pleasure v chore. Reading for me has always been and will always be an intrinsic part of my life and who I am. Reading feels the same as breathing, which is neither pleasure nor chore at times, while at other times can be either or.
Were you given time each day to read whatever you wanted?
I think so. Or at least I forced the time even if I had to stay up all night.
Did you have favorite places you’d like to read?
Yes, I liked to read everywhere but especially by the window in my room. When I was incredibly immersed in a book it didn’t matter where I was or how I was feeling though. I read while walking, eating, and bathing, definitely almost hurt myself a couple of times due to how immersed I was.
Did you ever read things that you didn’t have to?
Yes all the time.
Did you readcomics/manga/graphic novels?
I read a couple I found at the library.
Which was your favorite
I love X-men
What was it about?
X-men comics are about a group of individuals who are ostracized from society due to superhuman powers (that tend to not be all that superhuman at all in the end, as this is a double-edged sword) who all come together to find peace from their isolation and banishment. They are all at a school for people with these abilities who are different and work together to try to do what they can to help society and each other. They are all flawed, and many have had to crawl through the saddest of circumstances to find a group they belong to, they continue to make mistakes, but always try to understand each other and help one another out.
Did you subscribe to any magazines?
No, but I do now!
What did you think of the school library?
I really loved it. It was peaceful.
Did you ever read at night with a flashlight
All the time.
Did you ever steal a book?
Not to my knowledge haha. I might have forgotten to return a library book before though.
Adolescence and reading
Period of time for finding oneself during this time in your life did you have a favorite book or author?
The Sound and the Fury by William Faulkner was my favorite book at the time, and my favorite author was probably Kurt Vonnegut after reading Cat's cradle.
How did this book or writer affect you?
The Sound and The Fury was a powerful force in my life at that time. I had no idea that books could be laid out in such a complex manner, from multiple perspectives. It was the first time a book felt much more like a puzzle, where I had to really put myself in the character's shoes and walk a mile in them in order to find the key to unlock the plot. I could see for the first time how different people perceive events, and how a group of people can fall apart due to these differences. The book title is actually derived from a line in Shakespeare’s Macbeth “ Out, out, brief candle. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.” I feel this quote is more relevant today than ever.
I cannot emphasize the profound impact of Kurt Vonnegut on my life. I have read all of his books, and watched scores of interviews. Every time I read Cat’s Cradle, (which has been in the most difficult moments of my life) I feel such a sense of understanding. Such a sense of the importance of humility and kindness that I can only strive to achieve.
Do you still have a copy of this book
I checked out the sound and the fury from the library so I don’t have a copy and I’m not sure I need one. It feels like it would be really hard to go back to re-read that book due to its darkness and how much I related to certain scenarios and characters.
I still have Cat's Cradle, although I lost my original and had to buy a new copy.
At some difficult time in your life did someone encourage you to keep reading?
Ms. Fuller at Lowell. She encouraged me to pursue graduate studies in literature when I was in high school. We were reading Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger and at this point in my life, I was really struggling with depression and anxiety. We were discussing a portion of the book where at the end Holden Caulfield, the story’s jaded protagonist, gets jolted out of his depression and resentment when he sees his younger sister playing in a golden field of rye. It was a moment in time. I raised my hand during the discussion to say how I understood this feeling. I related to Holden for the first time at this point in the plot because it felt as though I had experienced the same quiet revolution in my emotions when I saw my little brother jumping with a huge smile in a jumpy house for a birthday party. He seemed so full of joy and so free that tears started to just fall from my eyes, because at that moment, I felt alive too. I felt like those are the moments that we hang on to in times of suffering. They are simple moments. They cannot be bought or sold, they can’t even really be found unless that quiet revolutionary realization has occurred: that life is full of pain but also full of these beautiful moments of joy, and to open your eyes to the joy, if only for a moment in time.
Was there a point in your life where you realized you could read anything?
I felt I could read whatever I wanted my whole life, it didn’t feel like a choice or an ability, it felt like a necessity. I would read anything I could get my hands on ever since I can remember.
Did reading ever get you in trouble?
I have gotten in trouble for the specific act of reading so much or re-reading the same books in high school that I would switch out the covers so that I could read whatever I wanted to avoid punishment for pleasure reading or compulsive reading. Depending on how you define trouble and what it means to read versus comprehend. One can read words but lack the ability to comprehend what the meaning is. Comprehension allows for interpretation and subsequent connection to other concepts and experiences. Reading has gotten me in tons of trouble indirectly in this manner. The more that you read, the more that you know. While knowledge is powerful, it can also be a heavy burden to bear as it changes your perspective on things. As they say ignorance is bliss, and comprehending what one is reading has troubled me internally in this way.
Did anyone ever censure your materials?
Not really, no. I would argue that most teachers I had up until graduate school now always encouraged me to read censored books and for that I am grateful as those books carry much knowledge about the world and how it operates.
Did you ever hide you reading materials, if so why?
I hid books my mom would get mad at me for reading over and over again. But that’s about it.
When did you become aware that certain books were banned?
Sometime in elementary school, we had a banned books day. I didn’t get it.
Adult Memories of Reading
What place does reading have in your adult life?
Most of what I do is reading. As a PhD student studying pathobiology, it is required to at least read some high level technical work and to firmly comprehend the meaning and concepts of these works. Many people in the sciences do not like reading much, and would prefer to perform experiments most of the time without reading a lot to understand what the implications of those experiments are, but learn after the fact. I prefer to read as much as I can, because I do not feel comfortable doing experiments without grasping why and thoroughly understanding how. Further reading is what I have dedicated the majority (I am talking 90%) of my time outside of sleep to, sometimes forgoing sleep to read. I especially feel comfort in reading academic papers outside of my field to understand how my work fits in with the collective human knowledge base. I have learned that only reading vast arrays of opinions, ideas, concepts, etc is the only way to make sense of the world for me. Reading is like a dear old friend that never fails to help me in some way.
When you read for pleasure what do you read?
I used to read mostly novels and fiction. Since the pandemic started many of the fiction books I have tried to pick up to read have felt very sad or very happy and thus have been difficult to relate to. When things are very sad it’s hard for me not to feel that sadness myself, and I don’t have space for more sadness, particularly for fictional characters. When the fiction is very happy, it is again difficult for me to relate as it feels almost gauche compared to what we have all collectively experienced. For pleasure, I now read a lot of philosophy books and poetry. I suspect this is due to their abstract nature which provides reprieve for me.
I also read manga as I have gotten very into anime. I like Berserk (not for children!), Monster, Jujitsu Kaisen, Akira, Gundam, Pun Pun (not for children)
What do you wish you spent more time reading?
Nothing, I read whatever I want whenever I want to.
Do you have a “to read stacks” of books
Yes, it’s more like a stack of books I read at the same time returning to an older one I haven't finished if I get overwhelmed or bored of the currently read one.
Do you buy books for yourself or others?
Always. It’s my favorite kind of gift to give to people. There’s nothing more wonderful than receiving a book or reading materials, I love walking around in book stores thinking about what books would suit which person, and often I find myself doing this regularly.
Are there books that you give to others in times of crisis
Yes, depending on the person there are two books. One is Tiny beautiful things by Cheryl Strayed which is a collection of tiny beautiful accounts. I also always recommend Cat’s Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut as it depicts the absurdities of life in a very serious but also digestible fashion. “Tiger got to eat, bird got to fly, man gotta sit around and wonder why why why, Tiger got to eat, bird got to land, man got to tell himself he understands”' is my favorite line that I painted on my door in college and say to myself pretty much daily.
Recently I have been resonating a lot with this quote from James Baldwin which I think is helpful in times of crisis:
“The Artist’s Struggle for Integrity”
“I really don’t like words like “artist” or “integrity” or “courage” or “nobility.” I have a kind of distrust of all those words because I don’t really know what they mean, any more than I really know what such words as “democracy” or “peace” or “peace-loving” or “warlike” or “integration” mean. And yet one is compelled to recognize that all these imprecise words are attempts made by us all to get to something which is real and which lives behind the words. Whether I like it or not, for example, and no matter what I call myself, I suppose the only word for me, when the chips are down, is that I am an artist. There is such a thing. There is such a thing as integrity. Some people are noble. There is such a thing as courage. The terrible thing is that the reality behind these words depends ultimately on what the human being (meaning every single one of us) believes to be real. The terrible thing is that the reality behind all these words depends on choices one has got to make, for ever and ever and ever, every day. I am not interested really in talking to you as an artist. It seems to me that the artist’s struggle for his integrity must be considered as a kind of metaphor for the struggle, which is universal and daily, of all human beings on the face of this globe to get to become human beings. It is not your fault, it is not my fault, that I write. And I never would come before you in the position of a complainant for doing something that I must do… The poets (by which I mean all artists) are finally the only people who know the truth about us. Soldiers don’t. Statesmen don’t. Priests don’t. Union leaders don’t. Only poets.[This is] a time … when something awful is happening to a civilization, when it ceases to produce poets, and, what is even more crucial, when it ceases in any way whatever to believe in the report that only the poets can make. Conrad told us a long time ago…: “Woe to that man who does not put his trust in life.” Henry James said, “Live, live all you can. It’s a mistake not to.” And Shakespeare said — and this is what I take to be the truth about everybody’s life all of the time — “Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.” Art is here to prove, and to help one bear, the fact that all safety is an illusion. In this sense, all artists are divorced from and even necessarily opposed to any system whatever”
Tell of one particular book or author and explain its impact on your adult life.
The Jakarta Method- a nonfiction account of what happened to Indonesia after the second world war. This is where I believe sometimes reading can be a double edged sword. When I learned the historical aspects delineated in this book, it completely changed the way I see the world. But I was in pain the entire time reading it, as I desperately wanted it to be fiction.
The second is a poem by Charles Bukowski “The Crunch” which helped me feel less alone in the confusing thoughts I had these past few years as I have watched in shock people do such cruel things with little remorse, even our society as a whole allows for this cruelty. It helped me see myself and not feel immense fear about why people behave the way they do. I suppose one could say it helped me to mature and to be less naive about the human condition. That there is beauty, in an untouched person, lonely, watering a plant.
The Crunch
Love is a Dog From Hell - 1977
---
too much
too little
too fat
too thin
or nobody.
laughter or
tears
haters
lovers
strangers with faces like
the backs of
thumb tacks
armies running through
streets of blood
waving winebottles
bayoneting
an old guy in a cheap room
with a photograph of M. Monroe.
there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock
people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.
our educational system tells us
that we can all be
big-ass winners.
it hasn't told us
about the gutters
or the suicides.
or the terror of one person
aching in one place
alone
untouched
unspoken to
watering a plant.
people are not good to each other.
people are not good to each other.
people are not good to each other.
I suppose they never will be.
I don't ask them to be.
but sometimes I think about
it.
the beads will swing
the clouds will cloud
and the killer will behead the child
like taking a bite out of an ice cream cone.
too much
too little
too fat
too thin
or nobody
more haters than lovers.
people are not good to each other.
perhaps if they were
our deaths would not be so sad.
meanwhile I look at young girls
stems
flowers of chance.
there must be a way.
surely there must be a way that we have not yet
though of.
who put this brain inside of me?
it cries
it demands
it says that there is a chance.
it will not say
"no."